Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
