I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
