He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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