My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The Olympian is in my bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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