Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
