if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
