this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
