i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
