When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
