you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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