Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
