I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
