We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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