Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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