walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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