i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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