woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
