There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
