You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
