I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
