At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
