Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
