I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
