i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His hands were made for my vagina.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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