Soap is not a condiment
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dicks are not precious.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
