dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
