I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
