my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
