she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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