great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
