when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Jerry, you need to find god
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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