Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
