By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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