he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
