sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
