Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
