i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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