I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
