would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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