Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
