Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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