apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
