There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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