well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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