But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She's the barista slut.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
