Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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