i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
