I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
