My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
