you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
