he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
