I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
